Am I Pretty Yet?

          You stand in front of the mirror. "Just a few more adjustments," you think. Push your hair to the side, add a little more lipgloss... Are you pretty yet? You look at pictures of gorgeous models and read about the workouts they do every day. Coming back from the gym after following the latest celebrity workout perfectly, you look in the mirror... Are you pretty yet? Your teeth aren't white enough, your hair isn't the perfect shade of brown, there isn't a gap between your thighs. You don't look like the models on the covers of magazines with captions such as "how she keeps her perfect body." You don't look like those girls, so you must not be pretty. If you don't have the perfect body proportions to match perfectly soft hair and perfectly shaped cheek bones, you're not good enough. There's always something you can do better. These are the messages that are fed to us every day. These are the things we tell ourselves by the way we talk out loud and in our heads. We trick ourselves into thinking that we won't be valued by ourselves and others until we have reached what our society has determined to be beautiful. Our lives are filled with future goals surrounding our appearance that we think will ultimately give us the secret to happiness. "If I can just lose ten more pounds, then I'll look really good and I'll be happy." So, you lose those ten pounds. Are you happy now? Is your life everything you wanted it to be? Probably not. Sure, caring about your looks can give you the confidence boost you need. Taking care of our appearance is something that we must all do in order to be healthy and to outwardly portray our sense of self-worth. However, our happiness should not be determined by our dress size, or the length of our hair, or how tan we are. Do we really want our future daughters to feel the same way we often do? Do we really want them feeling like they aren't pretty enough just because they're not on the cover of a magazine or wearing the fanciest clothes? We have the opportunity to change the way girls think, starting with ourselves. We need to focus on living our lives for all that they are worth. We need to remember that it is more than outward appearances that make someone beautiful. Your beauty is something that radiates from the inside. It is shown in your smile and your laughter. Your beauty is shown in the tears you shed reading your favorite book. Your beauty is just that: it is yours. No one can ever take that away from you. They can take away your fancy clothes, your makeup, and your jewelry, so you stand there with nothing. And yet, you are still you, and you are beautiful.

Take Me To Neverland

“Forget them, Wendy. Forget them all. 
Come with me where you'll never, never have to worry about grown up things again.” 

          I laid in bed the other night looking out my window as I fell into a half-sleep, aware of the fact that I was dreaming. Why my mind goes where it does during dreams, I will never fully understand. I remember dreaming that I was in the bedroom of the movie Peter Pan. That he came down through the window, and offered to take me to Neverland. I took his hand, and just as I stepped off of the floor, I was awoken by the sound of my roommate coming in from her night out. "What a nice dream," I thought. I was sadly certain I wouldn't have it again, but I did. I have had that dream over and over again, when I'm sleeping, and when I am awake. I think about running away, just for a little while at least, to a place where I don't have to deal with the adult responsibilities that keep coming my way. I longingly look back on the days when the toughest decisions I had to make were which movie to watch, or which stuffed animals I would invite to my tea party. All silliness aside, I wondered why on earth we ever stop having tea parties with stuffed animals or spend our day watching Beauty and The Beast eleven times. Are we all just destined to evolve into the grown ups who wear sensible clothing and carry around day planners? What if I don't want to? Can't someone just take me to Neverland?

          I then thought about all of the things I am looking forward to about growing up. Things that I dream about such as getting married, having my own house, etc.. Clearly there are good things about growing up, so I really shouldn't be looking at it so dreadfully. I suppose the thing I am most afraid of is becoming one of those adults who never dreams; One of the people who looks at life as just a set of responsibilities. The good news is that doesn't need to happen. We can choose our outlook on life. We have the power to decide whether life is a to do list or a fairy tale. The child who spent the days thinking of wonderful possibilities never has to leave. In this way, we can go to Neverland. Our lives can be our Neverland where life is filled with adventure, and no one ever tells us to stop dreaming.

          

           

Waiting on Prince Charming

          So we've all heard it, and probably said it: "I have standards for the guys I'll date." I know I have. I spend way too much time thinking to myself about all the required attributes a guy must possess before he even thinks of asking me out. Requirements anywhere from his education, to his clothing, to the first letter of his last name (we must always keep our future monogram in mind, right?). Well put my picturesque prince charming I have in my head next to some of the guys I've actually dated, and you'll think that I lost my mind. Why then, do I spend my time on the boys whose most romantic gesture is sending me the ever-loved "Hey" text? Even more so, why do I put up with the kind of stuff that I do from the guys who I think are interested in me when I've always told myself that I won't tolerate anything less than a gentleman?
          "Maybe I should just settle," I think. Maybe I should just be fine with always being the one to text more than three words, pick the conversation topic, etc.. I mean, how do I know that there even is a guy out there who satisfies all of my requirements. Maybe I'm just too picky.
          I was on Twitter yesterday, and saw one of my favorite accounts, Bitter Girl Rants (@BitterGirlRants) tweeting about a book called "He's Just Not That Into You." I looked at all the excerpts she was posting, and knew that I needed to get this book as soon as possible. I thought it would help me see what I was missing, and boy was I right. I downloaded the book on my iPad, and started reading it on the elliptical. By the second paragraph, I was laughing hysterically and probably looked like a lunatic to everyone around me. This book, if you have never heard of it, is filled with questions that women sent in about the guy they are interested in, and the responses given by a straight male named Greg. The questions all revolve around the same premise: the woman is somewhat interested in a guy, he seems to be showing some interest back, but he is not following through with his actions. The answer given by Greg is always the same: he's just not that into you.
          Now at first you may be thinking what I was when I first read the title. Why would I want to lower my confidence by hearing that this guy is not that into me? Should I just assume that every guy who is not putting all of his effort into getting me is really not that interested? Yes, yes I should. You see, we need to stick to our standards of how we want to be treated by a guy. I think we all have a tendency to forget about our desires as soon as we think that a guy is interested in us, because we all like the idea of being in a relationship to some extent. The last thing we need to be doing is wasting our time hoping that the guy we are interested in will someday live up to our standards, because guess what: he won't. A guy will show you all you need to know by the way he treats you from the very beginning, and that behavior will not change. Now, I am not saying that you shouldn't give a guy your attention if he shows interest in you just because he may not be the prince you had pictured. What I am saying, is that being in a relationship is not enough. You need to save your time and effort for the guy who will put all of his time and effort into getting you and keeping you. Because trust me, you're worth it.

From Winter to Spring

          I was hesitant to put this post up, as despite what may be the reality, I try to appear as if I have things together at all times. I am not saying that I am always perfect; far from it. I suppose what I would say is that I have always been someone who can deal with the stress of daily life, and not let them see me sweat, so to speak. Lately though, I have not felt the same. I notice that I have been feeling anxious and stressed over the smallest things. I also can tell that I am thinking about past and future events over and over, letting them interfere with what is going on in the moment. "Breath." I tell myself. "You are fine," I think over and over again. But nothing worked. I was sitting on my bed in a full on panic attack yesterday bawling my eyes out over God only knows what. I curled up in my bed and reached for my phone to get on Twitter. It was then that I saw the news: Lilly Pulitzer had passed away.

          Knowing what you do about me, you would probably guess that I just completely lost it at that point. I mean, how was I to go on with my life when one of my favorite inspirational women had just left this world? I froze for what felt like an hour, and just stared at the news. I felt nothing. I did not cry. I did not know what to do. I clicked on a link to a page with a biography of Lilly. Glazing over the words I had read a hundred times before, I came to a quote by the Queen of Spring herself: "Despite the forecast, live like it's spring." Even though I had read this quote many times before, it was as if the heavens opened and shed their light directly on me, telling me exactly what I needed to do. I did not need to solve the world's problems. I did not need to plan out my life years into the future. No, I needed to treat every day like spring, as in a new beginning. Spring, the time when hope fills the air, and the flowers coming out of the ground remind us of all the beauty that comes out of the dirt of life. Spring, when there is rain which may make a cloudy day, but can wash the earth, making everything fresh and clean. I needed to start thinking of every day as a new spring. When we think about it, it is a great way to go through life. Spring does not pretend that winter never happened, it takes the cold of winter and makes everything new again from it. So we must do with each day. We do not need to pretend that bad things never happen. We need to take what we can from those, and trust that each new day will be one full of new life and hope. 

Your Questions Answered

Dear lovely ladies,

I have greatly enjoyed reading the emails you have sent me over the time that I have had this account. Many of your stories touch my heart, and I am always anxious to help when I can. While talking with my guy friend one day, I thought that it might be nice to have a boy's perspective on some of the things you all ask me. He and I went over all of your submissions, and have talked about how we would handle them. I have chosen to rewrite the questions before each answer. The answers given are what he and I have chosen to say together, rather than each of us giving individual answers. Please know that this is not a one time occasion, and you can always email me to ask for advice at propergirlproblems@gmail.com.

What is a good outfit for a first date?
     This depends a lot on where you are going! First dates are going to tend to be more casual, rather than a very fancy occasion. Wear something that you are comfortable in, and that is also true to your personality. Ladies, if you are more comfortable in jeans, then find a way to dress them up a bit with a cute top and a clutch. If you want to wear a dress because that makes you feel better, then go right ahead. Just make sure that whatever you wear is something that you don't have to fuss around with. I (proper girl), once made the mistake of wearing a strapless dress on a first date, and had the awkward problem of having to pull it up all the time. Not cute.

How to get a guy to text first?
     This can often be very frustrating, because texting in and of itself is harder to convey feelings through. It can be easy to feel like you are annoying the boy if you are always the one texting first. While the general rule is that if a guy is really into you he will show more effort on the texting front, don't be discouraged if your boy isn't the one always sending the first text. Try to pay attention to other signals such as the conversation after the first text. If his responses are one-worded or  come three hours later, then maybe it's time to move on. On the other hand, if he seems interested in talking and can carry on a relatively decent conversation, then that is a much bigger indicator of interest than who is sending the first message.

How to move on from a guy who broke your heart?
     While it may be very hard to do, the first step is to realize that a broken heart can be repaired. There are other guys out there, and all is not lost. Next, try to learn from the pain. What went wrong in the relationship that you can maybe try to avoid next time? Sometimes this doesn't become clear for awhile, so try to be patient. Finally, we were asked about the idea of revenge. Your happiness should be the ultimate goal in any future plan. What we mean by this, is that you should seek to be happy with someone else because you are trying to have a better relationship, not because you want to get someone back.

What should you do when you feel like you are getting mixed signals from a boy?
     Some days he's giving you that dreamy-eyed look, while other days he may seem cold as ice. How can you tell how he really feels about you? You mainly have two options here. Your first option is to just wait and play along with it. Be cute with him when he is being flirty, and then hang back if he isn't showing the same interest the next day. This requires some patience, but it may allow you to see if there is a pattern to his behavior. Your other option would be to make a bold move and ask him what his feelings are for you. This may result in him telling you he wasn't meaning to give mixed signals, and there isn't something there, but it could also help initiate something great if there really are feelings there. You never know unless you ask!

Again, thank you for all of your lovely notes. We chose to group some of the emails into one question, to avoid repeat answers. If you feel though, that your question was not answered, please let us know, and we will be happy to help!