The Great Unknown

          When I was five years old and someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was quick and sure. I was going to be a princess living in a castle with my ten kids, and would ride my pony to my job as a singer every day. Who knows, maybe that will still happen. More likely, though, my life will look very little like my childhood fantasy.
          Fast forward to senior year of high school. The ending of one chapter, and the start of a new one in my life. So many decisions had to be made: what school I wanted to go to, what I wanted to study, what kind of job I might be looking for after college. I thought I had everything figured out. I wanted to go into architecture, and then join a firm once I was done with school. I was happy with the school I had chosen, and was looking forward to a fresh start. The exciting fresh start I was hoping for only lasted about a week. I found my classes to be very difficult, and was not as happy at my school as I thought I would be. I was left with the decision between continuing to struggle in the classes I was taking, or find something new. Looking at the classes that were offered, I settled on economics without any rhyme or reason. I could tell within a week of my economics class that I was in love. I went from being so sure about my life as an architect to falling in love with a class I only took to fulfill a requirement. Maybe this was God's way of pointing me in a better direction. Who knows? I certainly don't. I suppose that is the biggest thing that I have learned: whatever picture I have in my mind of where I will be later in life, God has a bigger picture with infinitely more colors.
          This can all be a bit scary at times. Sometimes we may feel like we are a totally different person than we thought. We maybe feel stuck in one place, because we don't know where we are going. I have certainly felt this way during my freshman year of college. I have learned that the best we can do is to trust in God and ourselves. As long as we are trying our best, God will help us get to where He knows we will be happiest. The times when you may feel you are falling apart are the times God is building something better out of all the pieces.

Call Me Old-fashioned

          Lately I have become more aware of a dichotomy in the way that others perceive me. People often tell me that I dress well, saying that I look "classy" and "traditional," but when those words are used to describe my actions, they seem to take on a negative connotation. Suddenly I am not cool, because I don't want to go out to a party where I know bad things will happen. I receive looks of shock when I tell someone that I am waiting until marriage. As much as I sometimes think that I should just abandon my cautions and live without any fear of consequences, I will hold my ground when it comes to my standards and beliefs. I believe that love is far more special than lust. I believe that showing kindness to strangers is good for our souls. I believe that learning new things is exciting, and that books should be sought out for pleasure as much as television is. I believe that gratitude is the key to being happy with what God has given us. I have hope for the future, and I know that good things will happen each and every day. I believe that I am the architect of my future, and that my dreams can be made into plans. I will not passively sit by and wait for the world to hand me my dreams, because I know that will not happen. I believe in hard work, and in being grateful for how far I have come. I know that our generation does not value the same things. We will often find that traditional values are seen as out-dated and old-fashioned. Having high standards for ourselves and others will not always coincide with what is popular at the moment. So, call me old-fashioned, but I will continue to keep my head and my standards high, because I feel that being a lady is worth it in the end.

Proper Girl Book List

          Looking for some good reading over spring break? Take a break from textbooks and dive into one (or all!) of these wonderful books. These are all books I think portray in some way what it means to be a proper girl. Please feel free to suggest more by commenting on this post!

Be kind,

Proper Girl

Proper Girl Reading List

Pride and Prejudice, Austen

Sense and Sensibility, Austen

Emma, Austen

The Great Gatsby, Fitzgerald

Anna Karenina, Tolstoy

How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World, Christy

Atlas Shrugged, Rand

Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

Anne of Green Gables, Maud

The Taming of the Shrew, Shakespeare

To Kill a Mockingbird, Lee

Antigone, Anouilh

The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, Lewis

Mere Christianity, Lewis

Jane Eyre, Brontë

The Secret Garden, Burnett

Little Women, Alcott

The Help, Stockett

Classy: Exceptional Advice for the Extremely Modern Lady, Blasberg

The One Hundred, Garcia

Don't You Forget About Me

         I have read this quote on Pinterest a few times which talks about how the relationships that happen unexpectedly are sometimes the ones that change us the most. Well, I cannot think of a truer idea when it comes to my relationship with my friend, who we will call Jack. Jack and I started talking about two and a half months ago and immediately hit it off. We would stay on the phone for two or three hours, and the conversation was never boring. Something he said to me one of the first few nights has stuck with me, in particular. We were talking about childhood friendships and I made the remark that I tend to forget about people when relationships go sour and die off. He said to me "Well promise you won't forget about me?" I promised, even though I thought that was a rather silly thing to say when we had only been talking for a short time. Little did I know, that it would become the theme for my relationship with him.

          I feel I must give you a little of my background before I go further. I come from parents who divorced when I was eight years old. I have at least four other divorces in my family. While I have always relished in the thought that my marriage will last, I must admit that having divorced parents does have an effect on me and how I deal with other people. This effect is mostly seen in my tendency to walk away from relationships when bad things happen, no matter how small they are, and then forget about people as if I never knew them. I never saw how much this habit was engrained in me until I met Jack. After about a week of both of us thinking the other was perfect, we began to come down from the clouds. Both of our flaws started to show more and more, and our conversations would sometimes involve less laughter than they did at the start. In many ways, this is like every other relationship I have ever had. Here, though, is where he differs: no matter what happens, Jack and I always come back to each other. 

         There have been times when I have done or said something that I think "Oh he probably hates me. I'm destined to live alone on a deserted island for the rest of my life with no friends." There have also been times when he has said or done something that has hurt me, and part of me wants to just run away and not talk to him anymore. No matter what, though, we always come back. Neither of us has ever given the other one the "silent treatment," and our arguments never last long at all. I am convinced that this is because both of us make a concerted effort to work through things, and not ignore issues until they become bigger and end up hurting us more. My friendship with Jack has taught me that the small fights we may have are never worth walking away. The fact that we can work through them only makes our friendship stronger. 

          This has all made me think a lot about the idea of commitment. We talk about the commitment to someone in marriage, and how serious that is, but what about friends? What says that we cannot work on skills we will use in marriage with the friends we have now? You see, I believe that if we want to be the type of person who is committed to marriage when it comes, we have to practice that now. I understand that not every relationship is the same, and that some relationships do simply die off; however, I have come to the realization that just because I will be married to a man doesn't mean that the relationship will be fail-proof. I must work on how I react to situations, and more importantly, whether I choose to walk away or stay and fight to make things better. I am confident that working on my habits now will only make my marriage stronger when that day comes. 

When Life Gives You Lemons...

          "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!" It sounds so simple, doesn't it? I mean, who doesn't like the idea of turning their problems into a sweet and refreshing summer drink? As pleasant as this saying is, though, I feel like there are a couple problems with it. Firstly, this makes it sound like everyone is given the same lemons. We should all be able to use the same amount of sugar and water in order to turn the situation around. Secondly, this saying guarantees a great outcome. It does not say "When life gives you lemons, try to make some lemonade and hope that it doesn't give you food poisoning." Of course not. We want to focus on the positive, and that's all great. Let's get real for a little bit, though. I am sure that when we have all been handed our proverbial lemons, our first instinct is to throw them back at life and demand some chocolate instead. This initial feeling can come in many forms. In my own life, I have seen it in the forms such as denial, self-pity, sadness, and just plain anger. The hardest part for me is moving past that feeling. It can be so easy to sit there and hope that your challenges will go away. I can say from experience that wishing doesn't get you very far. The first real step comes in acknowledging that there is work that needs to be done. After all, you would much rather make lemonade with the lemons right away rather than letting them sit there and rot, right? Right.

          So, what next? Going along with my realistic approach, I will take you through a potential recipe, if you will, of a way to approach some of life's problems. First step: figure out your plan, including what you may need. This doesn't mean that everything will go according to plan, but it may help you wrap your mind around what you are in for. As an example from my life, I have started my journey of achieving my goal weight by plotting out what I will need to do (an exercise plan, food diary, etc.). Sure, I have had setbacks, but I feel much more comfortable knowing that I have a plan to turn to when I feel like I may be losing control. Second step: experiment. As someone who loves to calculate things, I know this can be daunting. You may try things and figure out that they don't work. This does not mean you should give up. Just because something in your plan failed does not mean that you have failed. You must keep an open mind and be ready to adjust things as necessary. As long as you keep your eyes on the ultimate goal, you will be able to figure out what things need to be adjusted. Third step: allow for time. Another problem with the saying "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!" is that making lemonade takes all of fifteen minutes (thirty, if you have a five year old "helping" you). Most of our problems in life take a lot longer than that to solve. Be patient with yourself and others. The key here is that you are working to solve them. No matter how slowly you go, you are always ahead of the people who don't do anything about them. Fourth and final step: celebrate (small) victories. You do not need to wait until the final goal is achieved to celebrate your success. It can be very motivating sometimes to stop and look at how far you have come. Doing so will make you realize that you can keep going until you do reach the finish line when you can sit back and enjoy your lemonade.