I am changing up what I was going to write for this week as a result of a conversation I had with a dear friend the other night. Our conversation was about beauty. I must admit that this was a rather difficult conversation for me to have for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I felt unable to get my point across. My point was that I believe that my friend is a beautiful person. I only give compliments when I truly mean them, so it was frustrating that I could not make her understand what I meant. Secondly, her ardent persistence against me forced me to think about what I was really trying to say. What did I mean when I said she is a beautiful person? I recalled a quote by Elizabeth Kubler Ros, in which she talks about beautiful people being those who have seen and felt terrible things, and have come out with a unique perspective on life. In many ways, this was exactly what I was trying to say. My friend is not perfect, and that is part of what makes her so beautiful. When I think of her, I think of someone who is able to learn from mistakes, recover from heartbreak, and most of all, be a shining example of how life is a journey that is ultimately good. By being my friend, she has taught me a lesson that I hope to pass on to you: it will be ok. The heartache you feel today will pass. You will recover from defeat. You will learn from mistakes. All of these things help shape you into a more and more beautiful person. You will be able to better help others, for you know what they are going through. You will be another example of how life is ultimately good, despite the bad that we may see. You will be beautiful.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
You is kind. You is smart. You is important.
What does it mean to be a "proper girl?" This question crosses my mind quite frequently, especially since I am in some ways claiming to be one. By no means do I think being proper means being perfect. I have my bad days just like everyone else. As I was watching "The Help" the other day, the quote said by Aibileen to Mae Mobley a number of times struck me. "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." These three seemingly simple statements hold so much power, and offer a good explanation of what I think it means to be a proper girl.
You is kind.
What does this mean? Is there a list of things you must do in order to be kind? I think if there was such a list it would never end. When I looked up "kindness" in the dictionary, I found "benevolence" listed as one of the synonyms. Benevolence literally translates from Latin as "well-wishing." I believe this is a good way to think of kindness. For if you have the mindset of being well-wishing and generous, you will always find ways to help people. A person who is truly kind will be able to look around them and see the endless opportunities there are to help people.
You is smart.
Despite the grammatical irony of this statement, I think it is something we should always remind ourselves of. I had a teacher in high school who always told me that his goal was to teach us how to learn. What he meant by this, is that he wanted to turn us into people who had the intelligence to look at the world around us and be capable of learning more about it on our own by asking questions and exploring. This curiosity and the drive to satisfy is are what I believe make a person smart. When you think of people in history who we now think of as brilliant, geniuses, etc., they were not the people who were satisfied with reading only what was in their textbook. No, they went out and sought more. They were the people who knew that there was always more to learn. For as Oscar Wilde said, "You can never be overdressed or overeducated."
You is important.
When I think of all the things and people who bring me down from day to day, I am the biggest offender. I catch myself thinking so often "You're not pretty enough." You're not smart enough." "You're not good enough." I know I am not the only girl who feels like this. Why then, are we so inclined to put ourselves down like that? As many people do, we can blame the media and claim that they put unrealistic expectations on women and all of that. Where do we get by doing that? Nowhere. There will always be people telling you to be thinner, fatter, smarter, etc.. While we might enjoy visualizing a utopian society in which each woman is considered beautiful by all, the real change needs to happen within ourselves. We must ask ourselves if we are happy. We must ask ourselves if we love who we are. If the answer to either of these questions is "no," then something needs to change. Here's the catch, though: the only person who can change it is you. You cannot rely on another person to make you love yourself, and they cannot make you truly happy. Part of believing that you are important is taking the time and effort in order to make yourself happy. When you are truly happy, your happiness will only make you more beautiful on the inside and out.
Finally, I would like to add that being proper is about being self-aware. This is not to be confused with self-consciousness. Self-awareness is about consistently looking at who you are and thinking of new ways to improve yourself. It is about having standards that you hold yourself to on a daily basis. Once you have these standards, many decisions will become much easier, for you will know in your heart what is the right thing. Always trust that God will lead your heart in the right direction.
Stay lovely, proper girls.
You is kind.
What does this mean? Is there a list of things you must do in order to be kind? I think if there was such a list it would never end. When I looked up "kindness" in the dictionary, I found "benevolence" listed as one of the synonyms. Benevolence literally translates from Latin as "well-wishing." I believe this is a good way to think of kindness. For if you have the mindset of being well-wishing and generous, you will always find ways to help people. A person who is truly kind will be able to look around them and see the endless opportunities there are to help people.
You is smart.
Despite the grammatical irony of this statement, I think it is something we should always remind ourselves of. I had a teacher in high school who always told me that his goal was to teach us how to learn. What he meant by this, is that he wanted to turn us into people who had the intelligence to look at the world around us and be capable of learning more about it on our own by asking questions and exploring. This curiosity and the drive to satisfy is are what I believe make a person smart. When you think of people in history who we now think of as brilliant, geniuses, etc., they were not the people who were satisfied with reading only what was in their textbook. No, they went out and sought more. They were the people who knew that there was always more to learn. For as Oscar Wilde said, "You can never be overdressed or overeducated."
You is important.
When I think of all the things and people who bring me down from day to day, I am the biggest offender. I catch myself thinking so often "You're not pretty enough." You're not smart enough." "You're not good enough." I know I am not the only girl who feels like this. Why then, are we so inclined to put ourselves down like that? As many people do, we can blame the media and claim that they put unrealistic expectations on women and all of that. Where do we get by doing that? Nowhere. There will always be people telling you to be thinner, fatter, smarter, etc.. While we might enjoy visualizing a utopian society in which each woman is considered beautiful by all, the real change needs to happen within ourselves. We must ask ourselves if we are happy. We must ask ourselves if we love who we are. If the answer to either of these questions is "no," then something needs to change. Here's the catch, though: the only person who can change it is you. You cannot rely on another person to make you love yourself, and they cannot make you truly happy. Part of believing that you are important is taking the time and effort in order to make yourself happy. When you are truly happy, your happiness will only make you more beautiful on the inside and out.
Finally, I would like to add that being proper is about being self-aware. This is not to be confused with self-consciousness. Self-awareness is about consistently looking at who you are and thinking of new ways to improve yourself. It is about having standards that you hold yourself to on a daily basis. Once you have these standards, many decisions will become much easier, for you will know in your heart what is the right thing. Always trust that God will lead your heart in the right direction.
Stay lovely, proper girls.
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