Happily Ever Now

          I opened my dictionary and turned to the definition of "happiness." It read: "Happiness: the state of being happy." Well thanks for nothing, dictionary. What am I supposed to do with that? Here I am wanting to be happy, and I can't even look up a definition so that I am able to tell when that time comes. Maybe it will be when I marry the man of my dreams. Maybe it will be when I own everything with a Kate Spade label on it. Maybe it will happen someday. Someday...but when will someday come?
          Let's think about this for a minute. If I am waiting for happiness, that must mean that someone else has to give it to me. The man gives me the ring, the salesperson gives me that new bag. If I am supposed to be happy ever after that, I think I should get some sort of certificate telling me that I am now free to be happy. I'll hang it up in my house so that I never forget that someone has given me permission to start being happy. Seems silly, doesn't it? Well it is. Why would we let ourselves wait for someone else to make us happy? Shouldn't we do that ourselves? It is not only that we should be the ones making ourselves happy, but we must be the ones to dictate our happiness. We have to be happy with ourselves on our own; without relying on anyone else. I am not saying that we need to isolate ourselves from the rest of the world in fear that we might actually enjoy being around someone (especially, Heaven forbid, a boy), but we shouldn't become dependent on someone or something to make us happy. Unfortunately, this is because people will leave, things will break, and life sometimes falls apart. At the end of some days, all you have is you. One of my favorite philosophers, Pascal, wrote about how man's biggest fear is to be alone in a room with nothing to distract himself. Try this sometime, and you will see what he's talking about. Who are you without your cellphone, or your friends, or your boyfriend. Are you happy with who that is? If you are not, then you are the only one who can change that. You must become content with who you are by accepting the gifts you've been given, and acknowledging your flaws. I believe that our ultimate goal should be to be so happy with who we were made to be, that we inspire others to do the same.

Unbroken

          I turned off the television after watching a movie, and headed upstairs. I went through my usual bedtime routine of taking off my makeup and jewelry, and putting on my pajamas. I climbed in bed when all of a sudden it hit me. My mind started racing, I couldn't control my thoughts, and I started crying uncontrollably. I knew exactly what was happening: I was having another anxiety attack. These attacks are a part of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), which is what I was diagnosed with about four years ago. I have had things under control for a long time now, and felt like it had gone away completely, until the other night. I was crying because it had come back. I was crying because I didn't know what to do. I was crying, because once again, I felt like I was broken.

          Along with the scariness of having anxiety and OCD, I am always frightened by the thought that I am damaged. I think about the stigma of going to counseling, and about how I should be able to fix my own problems. I feel helpless sometimes, and hate not knowing what is going to happen next. I love having control over things, and to lose control over my mood and emotions is extremely frightening for me. I talked to my dad after that sleepless night, and told him that I thought it was coming back. I have always had a very good relationship with my father, and value his advice. This conversation was no different. I told him about all of my fears. I told him that I hated the idea of being broken, and worried that people will think I am weak because I can't handle this on my own. My dad looked at me with the an expression which told me in silence that everything was going to be ok. The words he told me were just what I needed to hear. He did not tell me I was fine. He didn't tell me that it's no big deal. He told me that just because this is happening to me, does not mean that I am broken. He gave me example after example of successful people whom have all had dark days in their past. Bad days do not mean a bad life, he told me. He reminded me that I am still in control of myself and my future. My dreams are not broken, and neither am I.

          I understand that you all will not have the same situation that I do. I used this as an example, despite the sensitive nature, because I believe that we have all felt broken at one time or another. Sometimes we feel like someone else broke us, sometimes we think that we ourselves are to blame, and other times we may feel broken with no obvious explanation. I hope that you can benefit from my dad's advice like I have. You see, the only way that something breaks, is if it stops functioning like it is supposed to. What is our function then? Our function is to persevere. It is important to keep in mind that there will be ups and downs, but that brighter days always lie ahead. We are supposed to live each day to the best of our ability. In that way, the only way we break is by deciding to do so and giving up. As long as we approach life as a gift that we must use as best as we can, though, we cannot break. 

The Silver Rule

"Treat others the way you would want to be treated."

          These words hung above the door to my second grade classroom in brightly colored construction paper for all to see. "The golden rule," we were taught, was something we should always keep in mind when interacting with other people. It is an especially handy rule, particularly in the sense that it is not hard for people to understand. The simple repeating of the golden rule by our teacher in her sing-song voice would halt all hair-pulling and name-calling, and the classroom would return to it's calm state. One never had to worry about monitoring the obedience to the golden rule by others, as that was what teachers were for. If things got really out of hand, tattling was always an option, but only if done in secret, lest you gain a reputation as a tattle-taler. Nonetheless, the golden rule seemed to do its job quite well. That is, if everyone followed it.

          You see, that is where our problem lies. Without the overhanging threat of a time-out or trip to the principals office, what incentive is there to follow the golden rule? Many people will come to the conclusion that there is none, and the golden rule is better left in grade school. We are then left with the dilemma of having to deal with people who choose to abandon this rule. We have to become the monitors of how others treat us. In a way, we need to add another rule to our list. I believe this rule should read: "Let others treat you as you would treat them." Would you treat others with disrespect? I hope not. Why then, would you allow someone to treat you that way? People are going to treat you the way you let them treat you. You cannot simply hope that one day they will learn their lesson and start treating you better. Sometimes you need to be someone's lesson. By allowing yourself to be treated badly by someone, you are hurting both them and yourself. You can teach them a valuable lesson by simply walking away. There is no need to fight fire with fire. Hatred will not fix hatred. By treating others with respect, and refusing to associate with anyone who does otherwise, you will already begin to help everyone, including yourself. So, be an example to others, treating them the way you would want to be treated, with respect and kindness. But always remember this secondary, perhaps silver rule: Let others treat you as you would treat them.

Dream On

          "What do you want to be when you grow up?" This question was repeated to me by no less than every adult who ever came in contact with me when I was younger. I would proudly tell them what my latest dream career was. These careers ranged from mommy to brain surgeon to astronaut. In middle school, I remember playing MASH, which was a game done on paper in which you would supposedly find out who you would be married to, what kind of house you would live in, what kind of job you would have, and probably a few other things. All the options seemed quite possible, even being married to Justin Timberlake and living in a mansion (I still think that might happen). Then in high school, everything seemed to change. Dreams were now being filtered through scantron tests and college counseling meetings. More and more, I saw the emphasis on "fitting" the world. There I was, a seventeen year old girl who still watched Disney Channel being forced to decide on the school I wanted to go to, the potential major I would select, and what job that would land me in the future. Suddenly I was being told that I probably didn't have the necessary skills to become that astronaut in a pink lab coat that seven-year-old- me once dreamed of. My dreams now seemed as far away as the stars that I was now told I would never be able to reach. I couldn't help but feel a little hopeless. What would I do now that dreaming was seen as childish? Should we all just trade our MASH games in for SAT prep books and call it a life?
          I think that we need to rebel a little. I think that while the parents and teachers are telling us to pick a career within reach that's a safe bet, we need to dream bigger to places far beyond our reach. After all, the great people throughout history did not do the dream that was within their reach. They thought of the craziest dream of the time, and went for it. Was there a chance that they could fail? Yes. Is there a chance that you might fail at something you try? Yes. But the thing is, there is also that chance that if you put in all your effort, you might succeed even beyond your wildest dreams. So, whether you are seven, seventeen, or seventy, dream on. And above all else, work your hardest to make those dreams a reality.

Strong Like a Girl

          Lately I have been getting more and more into running. I find it is a great stress-reliever, and can help me gain my focus on what is really important. As I always do when I become interested in something, I started researching more information about running. I wanted to find out the fastest mile times, the best workouts, etc.. As I was reading, I became a little perplexed, and admittedly, a bit frustrated. I was feeling this way because almost every article I read gave different workouts or standard times for girls than it did for boys. Nine out of ten times, the girls' times were slower and the workouts were less rigorous. The very competitive part of me started to wonder why it is that in this modern day, there still seems to be a general feeling that boys are stronger than girls. Also, what does it really mean to be strong?
          Strength, as defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, is "the power possessed physically and energetically, as well as the emotional or mental qualities necessary in dealing with situations or events that are difficult or distressing." I began to think on the second part of this definition in particular. When we look to some of the most influential women in our lives and throughout history, I think it would be more than fair to say that they all possessed a certain emotional and mental strength that is unique to women. Their strength is seen in the work they did to fix something in the world that they saw as wrong, despite everyone around them saying their efforts were useless. I believe that we as girls all possess this same kind of strength. This kind of strength is not always the kind that shows off to friends in competitions. This strength is the constant force in our lives that allows us to take in the stress of every day life and process it to make us better. A girl's strength is not stoic - it does not frown upon emotions. In fact, our emotions are one of the keys to our strength. We as girls have an innate ability to feel in our hearts what is truly right. Our emotions, while sometimes admittedly a bit out of control, are one of our key assets to guiding our decisions in life. I believe that it takes a great deal of strength for us to listen to our hearts and minds at the same time. Finally, unlike the kind of strength used at the gym, ours will never go away. Our strength is kept in our resilient spirit, and is what allows us to say to ourselves "I am strong enough to handle whatever life gives me."

Three Little Words

          Three simple words stared back at me in the form of a text message. Three words that seemed to hold all the power in the world. Three words that I deleted and rewrote about six times. "I love you" - short, simple, and sweet. In my mind, these words might have been my signature on the contract selling my soul. Suddenly these three syllables echoed in my head making me question what they even meant. Are they true? Do I really love him? Sure, we had said it before to each other. Those words were usually preceded by one of us being filled with gratitude for something that the other did. It always seemed natural to say. When the words rolled off my tongue in conversation, it was as if I was reading a scientific fact. There was no hesitation or doubt; that is, until I read them on my phone. Perhaps it was because I knew that once he saw it, there was no taking it back. I could not pretend that he heard me incorrectly. I couldn't laugh it off and change the topic before he got the chance to respond. No--it was right there. Size twelve font, clear as day: I love you. Why was this so hard for me to say? What do I mean when I say that I love someone? I suppose in my mind, when I say that I love someone, I am saying that I am theirs. They may have me as I am. They may hurt me, and they may not love me back, but I am still theirs. When we consider those consequences being held in three little words, it is easy to become afraid. We have grown up with two opposite ideas: the first idea being that love is a wonderful thing that we should give and take as much as we can. The second idea is that our heart should be guarded above all else. We are told that we should be very careful about whom we choose to love, because we will always end up being hurt. Well then, what are we to do with that? Is the potential thrill of loving and being loved in return worth the risk of being hurt and heart broken sometimes? I think it is. I think that love is the ultimate adventure that we should all embark on. Love is not the safety of your backyard on a summer day. No, love is the climb filled with stumbling, falling, rainstorms, and broken spirits. But the greatest part about such a climb is that when you reach the magnificent views along the way, you will be standing side by side with someone who appreciates the beauty as much as you do. 

Am I Pretty Yet?

          You stand in front of the mirror. "Just a few more adjustments," you think. Push your hair to the side, add a little more lipgloss... Are you pretty yet? You look at pictures of gorgeous models and read about the workouts they do every day. Coming back from the gym after following the latest celebrity workout perfectly, you look in the mirror... Are you pretty yet? Your teeth aren't white enough, your hair isn't the perfect shade of brown, there isn't a gap between your thighs. You don't look like the models on the covers of magazines with captions such as "how she keeps her perfect body." You don't look like those girls, so you must not be pretty. If you don't have the perfect body proportions to match perfectly soft hair and perfectly shaped cheek bones, you're not good enough. There's always something you can do better. These are the messages that are fed to us every day. These are the things we tell ourselves by the way we talk out loud and in our heads. We trick ourselves into thinking that we won't be valued by ourselves and others until we have reached what our society has determined to be beautiful. Our lives are filled with future goals surrounding our appearance that we think will ultimately give us the secret to happiness. "If I can just lose ten more pounds, then I'll look really good and I'll be happy." So, you lose those ten pounds. Are you happy now? Is your life everything you wanted it to be? Probably not. Sure, caring about your looks can give you the confidence boost you need. Taking care of our appearance is something that we must all do in order to be healthy and to outwardly portray our sense of self-worth. However, our happiness should not be determined by our dress size, or the length of our hair, or how tan we are. Do we really want our future daughters to feel the same way we often do? Do we really want them feeling like they aren't pretty enough just because they're not on the cover of a magazine or wearing the fanciest clothes? We have the opportunity to change the way girls think, starting with ourselves. We need to focus on living our lives for all that they are worth. We need to remember that it is more than outward appearances that make someone beautiful. Your beauty is something that radiates from the inside. It is shown in your smile and your laughter. Your beauty is shown in the tears you shed reading your favorite book. Your beauty is just that: it is yours. No one can ever take that away from you. They can take away your fancy clothes, your makeup, and your jewelry, so you stand there with nothing. And yet, you are still you, and you are beautiful.